Things to Know Before You Go

The work of a death doula is varied. We need to be gentle, grounded, non-judgmental, and well- resourced. We need to be observant, and we need to be curious. When I first meet with a new client or family, I often don’t know much about the situation or prognosis, and I certainly don’t know about the inner lives and feelings of the people in the room. So, I listen, and I ask questions. Sometimes there is peace and acceptance about the upcoming death, but a lot of times there is fear.

Our modern society teaches us to be afraid of death. That we should hide all talk of death in a dark corner and avoid it at all costs. That death is a bad thing. When really, death is nothing to fear. Death is as natural as being born. Death is an integral part of what makes life truly so special. Acknowledging our inevitable end helps us appreciate the here and now. We can’t fight or control death, but we can learn how to prepare for it so it is less scary and painful than we imagine it will be. By being aware of options and making plans, the fear can ease and make room for comfort and security.

You’ll often hear the phrase “don’t make any major decisions the first year after a loss.” Yet, in the minutes/hours/days directly following a death, there are SO many decisions to make! You have to find a funeral director, decide on body disposition, figure out what to do with all the assets and possessions left behind, try to find the best way to celebrate a life, and more—all while experiencing the pain and grief of having lost someone you love. By making these decisions in advance, you will give your friends and family the gift of not having to guess what you would have wanted. You will provide a guide for what to do, and all they will have to do is follow it. This ultimately is a way of showing your love, by allowing those who love you back to just grieve.

Things to Know Before You Go is a new workshop facilitated by Kelsey Hoeper and myself, we will help you take the first steps towards your knowledge of all things end-of-life. We will take time to reflect on what is important to each of us in the room, evaluating how we would like our final days to look. We will explore the signs and steps in the physical process of dying, and we will discuss different options for body disposition. We will get into the logistics of death (spoiler alert: there is a LOT of paperwork) and put things in writing to communicate our wishes with our loved ones. We will guide you through how to have this conversation with resistant loved ones and provide tools for walking others through the planning process.

Time and time again, I find that a client conversation that starts with fear of death and the dying process becomes one of assurance and peace after discussing options and saying the unsaid. The more we talk about death and everything it entails physically, emotionally, spiritually, and logistically, the more we normalize it and permission others to do the same.

In Things to Know Before You Go, we will work together to demystify death and turn your own fears into a sharable action plan. I hope you will join us.

 

Things to Know Before You Go | Co-facilitated by Erica Reid Gerdes of Waxwing Journeys & Kelsey Hoeper, LPC, NCC

When: Saturday, September 12th, 2026 – 10am-1pm

Who: Anyone 18+ is welcomed

Location: Meeting in person at 5600 N Ridge Ave. #105, Chicago, IL 60660

Community Pricing: $50 – $100/per person

Register by emailing: khoeper@andersonville.com, or find us on Eventbrite.